Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
