Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
