I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
