she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
