im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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