Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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