So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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