i just had sex bonerless
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
