Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
