Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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