I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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