Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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