I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
