Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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