I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
