I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
