seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You are the jesus of drinking
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
