Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
