dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
