so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
