Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
