There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
