I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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