just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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