I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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