I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
