i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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