I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
