I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
