Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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