South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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