I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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