i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
