Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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