Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
bring money and cleavage
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
