im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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