but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
