my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
