Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize