Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
