I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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