Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
