Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize