you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
