Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
