Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
