I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize