I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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