what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
