I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
