i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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