Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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