She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
