there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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