i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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