How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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