We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
