the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
