It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize