That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
