And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
