her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
