I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have fence marks all over my body
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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