yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
