a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
