i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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