Your dad touched me again.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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