Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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