when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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