; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
