She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
