And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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