I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
