"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
