You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
