Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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