you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
